Calhouns Can(n)ons

Ron Crawford, Where Are Youuuuuu?

Aw, Dang. I had to work so couldn’t attend the recent SLO County Planning Board meeting. But then Ron Crawford, he of the Sewerwatch Blogsite, didn’t attend either. So some real fun was missed by all.

The purpose of the meeting? According to the Tribune, a report presented to the Planning Commissioners stated that if the CSD decided to sell the infamous Tri-W parcel of land, “Whoever buys those parcels might need to ask that the county change the General Plan. That would require approval by the Planning Commission, the Board of Supervisors and the state Coastal Commission, and it could take several months to two years.”

Might need to ask the county to change the General Plan?

Aw, GAWD! Can you hear Ron now? For years he’s been squawking on his blogsite about the Coastal Commission issuing a permit to put a sewer plant in the middle of the town, a permit for land that comes under its jurisdiction since it’s in the Coastal Zone, a permit based in part on the old CSD Board “Statement of Overriding Considerations,” which included the “fact” that the community had an overwhelming community value of having parklands and park amenities in a centrally located place, and so overwhelming was this community value that the community would pay any price, bear any burden, do anything, in fact, including having a sewer plant stuck next to Tot Lots and playfields, if that’s what it took. Even pay more for a sewer plant if that’s what allowed for those amenities to fulfill that strongly held community value & etc.

Or maybe that was backwards. The strongly held community value of having centrally located amenities and parks and Tot Lots was the number one priority of the community so a sewer plant HAD TO BE located in the middle of town so these amenities could be stuck on it thereby sneaking a permit past the CC since the CC would never had issued that permit since there were always better, non-ESHA, out-of-town sites for the sewer plant but they didn’t have those overwhelming centrally located public amenities and so forth.

Well, either way, the same SOC’s were used for the County Planning Commission AND the Board of Supervisors, all of whom were told about all those overwhelming community values vis a vis Tot Lots before voting to change the zoning from commercial R-2 and residential to INDUSTRIAL just so that sewer plant could be put in the middle of town.

And now the County is claiming that changing the zoning back to the way it was before it was deliberately changed to accommodate this overwhelming community value would (could?) be made onerous in order to discourage any new buyer so the county could maybe keep their mitts on the parcel in case they decide to try to stuff the sewer plant back into the middle of town, even after the recall and Measure B and civic train wreck caused by that Overwhelmingly Valued Sewer Tot Lot?

That’s where Ron should have come in.

Literally come into the Board chambers with eighteen HUGE Irish navvies pushing hand carts piled to the ceiling with reports, files, documents, transcripts, in fact, every damned piece of paper involved with the prohibition zone and sewer project from day one.

Ron could then have strode to the front of this mountain of paper work, slapped the side of the mound heartily and declaimed in a booming voice, “Ahem, Honorable members of the Planning Commission. A couple of years ago, you voted to change the zoning of this parcel of land from a bucolic residential, mixed business, multi-residential highly sensitive and valuable piece of ESHA land into, if I’m not mistaken, a PUBLIC UTILITIES/INDUSTRIAL zone specifically to accommodate a sewer plant in the middle of all this bucolic beauty. I now challenge you, Gentlemen & Ladies, to find one piece of paper, one scrap of evidence, one official study, vote, certified poll, something, anything in this mountain of yellowing paper to justify your original vote and support the old CSD’s SOC that the community had an overwhelming value to put a Tot Lot next to a ginormous sewer plant in the middle of their town."

“Go ahead,” Ron would have said, gesturing grandly at the ceiling-high pile of papers, “Start looking. I’ll come back in a couple of years and see how you’re doin’.”

He also could have added, “And please tell me if falsifying SOCs with no evidence is permissible and if not, please tell me why you aren’t calling for a re-hearing on this original land use plan. The Coastal Commission staff member Mr. Monowitz has indicated to me that if this matter comes again before them, they’ll be taking another look since, apparently, they’re not amused by “bait & switchy” snookering over faux Tot Lots and unsupported overwhelming community values. So, how’s about you guys doing the same now?”

Aw, but that didn’t happen. Dang.

Not known is why a buyer of the TriW site might (note the use of that weasel word) “need to ask that the county change its General Plan.” I wonder what a new buyer of that land might want to build there that could violate the INDUSTRIAL zoning that’s there now? Hmmmm, now that’s worth thinking about. As for “Public Utlities” use, gee, do you suppose that would include . . . a Tot Lot?

Also not known is why the Planning Commission would somehow send what appears to be a threatening signal to a potential buyer that amending the county plan could take “several months to two years.” Several months? Two years?

When it comes to developing anything in the Coastal Zone, two years isn’t a “problem,” it’s a fast track.