Calhouns Can(n)ons

Put Out The Cat . . . Puuuuutttt Ouuutttt the Caaaattttt, Part Duh.

Tribune March 22 headlines: REGULATORS TO GET TOUGH IN LOS OSOS SEWER SAGA. They say they will crack down on property owners because the town still hasn’t built a sewer.”

Puuuttt ouutttt the Caaatttt……

Uh, hate to tell the Tribune reporter, but the notices the RWQCB just mailed out to every Los Osos property owner are official notices that SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAILED OUT A YEAR AGO, instead of the year-long, bungled, relentless, damaging and harmful harassment and “prosecution” of The Los Osos 45.

Nothing “tough” about the letter. Matter of fact, I think a whole lot of folks will read it and say, “Ummn, uh, o.k., uh-huh, yeah, yeah, we know that, uh, ummm, o.k. know that too, uh, sure, sure, what’s you point?, ummm, mmm, o.k.” then throw it in the wastebasket. [Added Note: Legally, are these suppose to be "official notices" that are supposed to have been sent out registered mail, return receipt requested, etc? So the RWQCB knows people actually got them? Or were these letters just an informational update, with no legal status? Just asking.]

Except me, of course, who read it and said, “Umm, uh, o.k. uh-huh, yeah, yeah, OH NO! HARVEY, [Packard, Prosecution Team Lead, who signed the letter]YOU’RE WEASLING, NUN-HUH, THAT’S NOT TRUE, YOU’RE LEAVING OUT SOME REALLY, REALLY CRITICAL INFORMATION, OH NO, DON’T GO THERE, HARVEY HARVEY, WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU?” when I got to the paragraph that said, “Several parties have agreed to a settlement instead of the cease and desist order and its hearing process” without noting that several people who settled have since rescinded once they found out what was actually in the settlement agreement, while others settled under duress.

Or Harvey’s statement, “The settlement agreement requirements are almost the same as those in the cease and desist order . . . .” Oh, Harvey, Harvey! DON’T DO THAT. YOU’RE WEASLING AND IT’S GONNA BLOW BACK ON YOU. THE SETTMENT AGREEMENT REQUIREMENTS HAVE SOME SERIOUS “POISON PILLS” IN THEM THAT ARE NOT IN THE REGULAR CDO’S, POISON THAT MANY OF THE SINGNERS WERE NOT AWARE OF BUT SURE NEEDED TO BE, SO DON’T BE TELLING PEOPLE THEY’RE “ALMOST THE SAME.” NU-UNH. THAT’LL MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE NOT TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH, WHICH WILL MAKE THEM THINK THEY CAN’T TRUST YOU ANY MORE!

Plus, this notice says nothing of the fact that the CDOs that have already been given are now on appeal to the SWB and may head to a “real” court where it may be found that they’re full of legal no-nos and may have to be tossed out in order to start over again. No mention of that, which is unfortunate because that turns this letter from a neutral informational letter into one of spin …. Puuuuttt ouuttt the Caaatttt.

Even weirder is the following paragraph that states, “Several parties have expressed concern that this process is too slow.” You mean the kangaroo court you’ve set up needs to violate everyone’s rights even quicker, so maybe instead of individual “trials,” we should have mass auto-de-fe burnings, with clumps of a hundred homeowners tied together at the neck and trotted out to listen while the Board plays a tape recording of the “charges” at a speeded up rate so they all sound like The Chipmunks, followed by a gavel fall and a thundering chorus of GUILTYGUILTYGUILTYGUILTYGUILTY, NEXT! MOVE DOWN, MOVE DOWN, MORE TEA, MORE TEA?

Saaay, I like it. Very theatrical. On the other hand, I think that might just guarantee a mass legal appeal which would land everyone in a “real” court where somebody may get a spanking.

No, I think Mr. Packard and his Board need to do some more homework. Like acknowledge Mr. Tim Cleath’s sworn testimony that pumping, inspecting, repairing will have no appreciable effect on the ground water, so stop pretending that this is being done to “protect the ground waters of the state of California.” It isn’t. So, make up some other reason, like, PIR (Pump, Inspect, Repair) is being instituted in order to get PZ-wide baseline data on all septic systems. Heck, that was something that should have been done years ago under Resolution 83-12.

Then, the water board staff needs to sit down with the county and write up procedures, verifiable numbers and terms and glossary, and such like, plus a reasonable time line that ensures the 5,000 septic systems that will be “inspected” will not be “inspected” by a septic tank version of the Irish/Gypsy Travellers who will be coming to town to fleece homeowners with unneeded and unnecessary “repairs” required under color of law by the CDOs or “Settlements.” (More on that later.)


While this is being done, the Grand Inquisitor, Reed Sato, needs to urge the SWB to expedite the appeal, maybe even recommend a mediation court after the appeal is heard, so as to determine quickly the validity of the CDO process. If certain problems are found, then maybe instead of repeating all the mistakes, Mr. Sato can sit down with the PZLDF’s attorney, Shauna Sullivan, and return to work to re-craft a settlement agreement that protects the citizens’ rights AND is one they can sign without duress AND one that doesn’t contain any Poison Pills of Unintended Consequences AND one that won’t trigger lawsuits claiming a tie to illegal electioneering AND makes the Board look like they’re busy “doing something” instead of wasting time and money.

Then maybe we can all re-focus this community in order to see to it we end up with a great wastewater project, so we can all go home and grow petunias and rutabagas.