O Lord, Not Another Republican Family Man?

Assemblyman Mike Duval, a good, staunch married “Family Values” Kinda Guy, from conservative Yorba Linda, in Orange County has resigned. He was caught yakking and yukking it up during a legislative hearing when he thought his microphone had been turned off, telling his fellow committee member, during a break in the meeting, about his “sexual escapades with a woman he says is 18 years younger,” who also happens to be a lobbyist, as reported by Juliet Williams of the Associated Press.

Sounding more like a Valley Girl than an Assemblyman, the story details his conversation: “I’m getting into spanking her,” sez our Assemblyman, the guy who “received a 100 percent rating from Capitol Resource Institute, a conservative advocacy group, for his votes on legislation considered pro-family during the 2007-08 legislative session.” And “She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I said, ‘Yeah, that’s ‘ cause you’re such a bad girl.’ . . . “ Oh, she is not! I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?” I go, ‘No, we’re not finished.’ I go, ‘You know about the other one, but she doesn’t know about you,’” referring to yet another woman in the Assemblyman’s stable.

Well, like, OMG! So after Mike was caught with his mic open, here’s what he said as he resigned: “I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state. I deeply regret the comments I made in what I believed to be a private conversation. This is a private matter and I ask that everyone respect the privacy of all involved.”

And here’s what our own Sam Blakeslee, the Assembly Minority Leader, Republican from San Luis Obispo, had to say about our man Mike: Mr. Duvall recognized his inappropriate comments would be an endless source of distraction for this institution, and out of respect for his colleagues and love for his family decided to resign. I respect his decision to put his family first during this difficult time.”

Hmmm, let’s see. A lobbyist screwing an elected official, a lobbyist who’s in Sacramento to get laws passed by elected officials, perhaps even the one she’s screwing, and this is just a private matter? Naw, Mike. This went public when you crawled into bed with a lobbyist. Next time, stick with “civilians.”

And here’s what Our Man Sam should have said, “Mr. Duvall recognized he violated ethical standards consorting with a lobbyist and violated his moral standards in committing adultery and demonstrated himself to be a hypocrite in maintaining the public outward appearance of an upright Family Values man, while in private he was just acting like another phony horn dog. The good citizens of Yorba Linda deserve better.”

And the best, and most typical, is old Mike himself. He doesn’t regret his behavior. He doesn’t regret violating his marriage vows. He doesn’t regret his hypocrisy. Nope, not a bit of it. He only regrets that he was caught with both his mic and his fly open and that his comments went public.

Ah, sigh, the days The Putting Of The Paper Bag Over The Head In Shame are clearly long, long gone.

Also Long Gone

Congressional shouter, Joe Wilson, he of the yelled out “YOU LIE” to President Obama during his recent address to Congress is also another of those No Paper Bag Of Shame For Mike public figures. He apologized for his boorish behavior but instead of being shunned as if he had B.O. and resigning in utter humiliation, he’s gathering lots of happy wingnut supporters, including tons more campaign money from the health insurance industry, which, no doubt, accounted for his verbal enthusiasm during the president’s speech? Ya think?

Well, no paper bag for Joe, either. But maybe he’ll turn out to be a bellweather in our toxic political climate. Maybe we can look forward to other Republican corporate shills turning Congress into the House of Commons wherein backbenchers heckle and call out questions and holler British Snark at the Prime Minister during his Q&A sessions.

I sincerely hope that isn’t the future. The British have a long history of truly educated snark. Americans have neither the education nor the gift of the withering rebuke. They’re just embarrassing and would soon turn Congress into a bigger joke than it already is.