Millionaire America. Happy at last!

Calhoun’s Can(n)ons for August 5, 2011

Whew! That was a close one. A band of crazed Democratic socialists in Congress were threatening to reduce the country’s massive debt by both making cuts in various government programs, including Medicare and Social Security, and – horrors! –by balancing those cuts with higher taxes on the rich and super rich, until the newly elected Tea Partiers saved the day, took the country hostage and threatened to take our economy over the cliff unless Congress promised that there would be No Taxes, not even on the ultra rich.

Not wishing to see the US economy ruined, which could have triggered a world-wide crash, the weenie Dems caved. Now, you’d think that such a meek capitulation would make the average working American furious, knowing that they alone would be the ones bearing all the pain of cuts to their safety net, but, no. They were jubilant because Americans, no matter what their station in life, truly believe that they are the millionaires and billionaires that the proposed tax hikes would have affected.

Which is why they elect and re-elect representatives who are rabid Norquistian No Taxers, staunch ideologues who believe in the theory that millionaires and billionaires (like the voters) are “job creators,” and that taxes are “job killers,” even though there is little historical evidence to support either claim.

And, believing themselves to be millionaires, the American voters also don’t need or want any social safety nets either, and vote accordingly. They’re apparently convinced that they’ll never lose their jobs (don’t need any of that socialistic unemployment insurance; that’s just another government give-away). They also believe that they’ll never lose their job-related health insurance or that their health will never fail (don’t need or want any kind of national health-care reform, and certainly not some awful socialized medicine like Medicare.) Being rich, they don’t’ need it. The private market will take care of their few needs. And if it doesn’t, well, that’s no problem. They have millions. They’ll just pay the doctor and hospital out of pocket.

And as for getting old and needing some kind of “social security?” Not needed. They’re rich and will pay their own way.

And so, in the middle of a near depression, they elected lots of new cut ‘n slash Tea Partiers and re-elected their staunch oath-signing No Tax Norquistian incumbents and sent them to Congress to slash the budget and cut government programs to the bone, and/or to try to kill them altogether. And keep taxes low or zero on millionaires and billionaires (and corporations who’ve skated out of paying taxes altogether) so all those non-tax-paying “job creators” can create jobs. And if you look around you, you’ll see how well it’s worked. The corporations that were awash with hoarded money, paying out obscene bonuses to their CEO’s, and/or getting tax breaks for moving jobs off shore, have, with this latest budget deal, started hiring again. Factories are humming. Every day I can hardly lift up the newspaper, so heavy is it with “help wanted” listings from all these “job creators.” Companies are desperately opening up hiring halls in towns across America just begging people to come work. And Millionaire America is once again filling the malls and shopping centers, buying everything in sight. I can only imagine the kind of sugar plum dream retailers will have this Christmas.

All of which is great news since the recently promised cuts-only to the federal budget will mean that hundreds of thousands of federal employees are about to lose their jobs and be added to the unemployment rolls. And those federal cuts will also trickle down to add to budget woes in the states, with state employees getting even more pink-slips as well. But, not to worry. Federal, state and city workers are all millionaires, too. And all those private sector, un-taxed, cash-hoarding job-creators are ready for them! Step right up. Here’s a job application blank. Name your salary! Happy days are here again.

Talk about a win-win for Millionaire America where every man thinks he’s King Croesus and votes accordingly. And if that wasn’t enough good news, Congress, always messy and often dysfunctional at best, has now decided to make itself irrelevant. It will create a tiny new Super Congress – the Gang of 12 – that will decide what to do about the budget. Talk about Grover Norquist’s wet-dream; make government small enough to drown in a bathtub. Grover’s never been able to drown the real Congress before – it was too big. He couldn’t fit them all into his house, let alone into his bathtub. But twelve unelected people?

Ah, piece of cake.