Parting Shots: The Death Diaries -- A Comedy in a few acts, maybe.
I have always known
That at last I would
Take this road, but yesterday
I did not know that it would be today
I've been on hiatus for a while, in case you've noticed. And I wasn't sure if I'd even return to the Can(n)on again. More and more the utter idiocy unfolding around me has gotten so silly that it just got harder and harder to expend any energy on any of it. (I know why Jon Stewart's getting out of the Biz. Once all you've got left to satirize is Louie Gomet, you'd best pack it in.)
Three months ago I had a life. Busy, active, from dawn to dusk on the move. Walk dogs, prepare for the summer's Garden Folly garden, make soup, eat soup. Same old same old.
Then that life was gone. Poof! A trip to the emergency room a confused, unclear diagnosis, bewildering emergency stop-gap proeedures, an ass-backwards muddled diagnostic search filled with growing misery and disppearing strength (including the loss of my two dogs, an awful blow on top of this unholy misery) finally a report nobody wants to hear ever from any doctor anywhere: Stage IV pancreatic cancer.
That's when the world goes silent. And then changes forever.
And now I'm hip deep in the maelstrom of Cancer Land -- a bewildering forest of Doctor appointments, research material, unknown unknowns, known unknowns and overwhelming confusion. I start a chemo program next week. It's no cure, but "cure" just doesn't seem to be a word oncologists use very often nowadays. The new rules seem to be: Live for a while. Try something else and live for a little more while. Wash, rinse, repeat. So the trick now is to learn how to live while dying. Or vice versa. And it's bound to be a unique and interesting journey. One that I'm sure many of my readers have already been on, are on now, or will be about to start as the body's clocks tick over and transform all our lives.
If that's a shared journey for you, please add your voice any of my future entries. (Dealing with the medical establishment, you just know I'll have some apt comments to carry on about, don't you. Yes, yes.) And if you are a fellow wayfarer and citizen of Cancer Land, I'm sure you're full of news of far wonders as well as practical sources of where to get a good cup of soup that the body can handle. So, do share.
Meantime, through it all, I have to remember to . . Breathe.