Calhouns Can(n)ons

We're Queer but We're Not Heeeeeeerrreee.....

Story in the July 13 L.A. Times: "U.S. Census Bureau won't count same-sex marriages. The federal agency plans to edit the responses of legally married gay and lesbian couples."

Bwa-hahahah. Bush & Company have disgracefully earned the reputation of letting political dogma trump science and even facts, those "facts" which Reagan said were "stubborn things." Now we have the U.S. Census Bureau, our official National Counting Office, you know, the neutral, accurate, detail-oriented department thats charged by Congress to look at reality on the ground, will now be fudging the numbers.

Notes the Times: "The U.S. Census Bureau, reacting to the federal Defense of Marriage Act and other mandates, plans to edit the 2010 census responses of same-sex couple who marry legally in Caliofnria, Massachusetts or any other state. They will be reported as "unmarried partners," rather than married spouses, in census tabulations -- a policy that will like draw the ire of gay-rights groups..

"The Census Bureau followed the same procedure for the 2000 census, and it does not plan to change in 2010.

"Critics say the census plan will mask the records of legally married same-sex couple and therefore degrade the quality of the government's demographic data.

" ' I just think it's bad form for the census to change a legal response to an incorrect response,' said Gary Gates of the Willaims Institute, a think tank at the UCLA law school that studies gay-related public policy issues. 'That goes against everything the census stands for.'"

Gosh, ya think?

On the other hand, think of the possibilities. After all, we have an administration that had the head of the EPA, uh, "edit" some of those stubborn "facts" on its reports, spin the meaning, alter the truth, make things sound better, doncha know. So why not the census?

I say, get out those erasers and have all the census takers cross their fingers when they take the oath to record truthfully. Think fof the possibilities? Does the administration think there's too many Mexicans self reporting? Maybe the numbers would reflect badly on itself? You know, maybe raise too many questions about illegal immigration and just who's hiring all these south-of-the- border folks? Well, just tell the census taker to change the racial designation. Tell 'em, Sorry, the Mexican box is full. We'll make you Samoan.

Will too many poor people begin to show up? If so, then simply check the next highest income box. Too many low paying, dead end jobs being recorded? Simply set a quota for people reporting they work part time at Wal-Mart. Past a certain number, just start bumping people up to Denny's or Mcdonalds. Heck, why stop there, check the box, "Laywer," or "Brain Surgeon." Can't have too many of those!

Yep, Made Up Nation. It's a Photo-Shopped world. All those unpleasant facts -- global warming, failed banks, impoverished millions, crappy health care -- all can be brushed aside by the Census so we can end up with a rosy-cheeked, Panglossian picture of The Greatest Nation On Earth, made manifest by the amazing number of Samoan Brain Surgeons living in Million Dollar Homes in Detroit.

Only in America! Is this a great country, or what?