Calhouns Can(n)ons

Bwa-hahah. The Tribune makes a funny.

The Tribune story following the PZLDF hearing before Superior Court Judge Barry LaBarbera ruled that the PZLDF case could go forward was headlined: Osos residents get a win in court.

Bwahahahahah. Here’s the “win.” The poor Los Osos 45 who have spent over a year of their lives struggling with the looney tune insanity of the Regional Water Quality Control Board’s Mad Hatter CDO/CAO/NOV/MoveTheGoalPostsMoreTeaMoveDownWhatever Tea Party, and then struggled to raise funds from an utterly apathetic and uncaring and clueless community (all of whom are under the same gun as they but apparently don’t know it), are now given a chance to try to raise about a gazillion more dollars to go back into court to spend gazillions in attorneys fees to argue some due process issues that LaBarbara was asked to consider and settle right then and there.

That’s not a “win.” That ju$t ju$tice as u$ual.

But even more fun, was the interesting exchange from Michael Hughes, the RWQCB’s guy, who argued in his filings that OH GAWD, THESE STUPID PEOPLE DON’T NEED AN ADMINISTRATIVE RECORD. THE OFFICIAL RECORDS ARE ALL POSTED ON THE RWQCB’S WEBSITE AND ARE LIKE TOTALLY ACCESSABLE AT THE OFFICE & ETC. (not true, there’s a whole mass of documents that are in such a muddle, what with the Board constantly shifting the goal posts, ruling then unruling on this or that, that it’s doubtful if ANYBODY knows what record goes with what at this point, and until it’s all carefully sorted through there’s the very real fear on the part of the RWQCB, which was nervously cherry-picking during the hearings to make sure that only things that helped their case got in and everything else was forbidden, that something “bad” could accidentally creep into the record that would open the door to a big mess.) AND ANYWAY, WE’RE NOT SURE THESE PEOPLE CAN PAY FOR THE RECORD SO WE’RE NOT GONNA PUT THE RECORD TOGETHER UNTIL THEY PAY UP FRONT AND SINCE THEY WON’T PAY UP FRONT IF THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE A BALL PARK GUESTIMATE OF THE COST WE’RE NOT GONNA PREPARE THE RECORD SO WE’VE BEEN DRAGGING OUR FEET FOR MONTHS.

And other Waltz-Me-Around-Again-Willy stuff.

So, LaBarbera said: Why don’t you prepare an estimate as to the cost (they discussed doing all this in electronic format, which would be cheaper than a hard copy record) and in the meantime, start preparing the record, one copy to PZLDF attorneys, one to the court ,and asked for a time estimate to do that..

OH GAWD, bleated Mr. Hughes, THERE’S SO MANY DOCUMENTS TO CHECK THROUGH (Uh, Mr. Hughes, didn’t you just argue in your written court submissions that all the stuff was posted on the RWQCB web site? Just hit “copy” and there you are? What do you mean, there’s so much to sort through?) BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

Finally, LaBarbera got the Water Board’s waterboy to guestimate that they might be able to have a price estimate together in maybe two weeks but AWW GAWD it would take at least THREE MONTHS (or 90 days) to assemble the record (you know, all the stuff that’s posted on the website? The stuff that Mr. Hughes referred to when he wrote “Petitioners have had ample opportunity to review the documents comprising the administrative record in this case. Petitioners have had access to the public files at the Regional Board all along, both in hard copy and on the Regional Board’s website . . . .” so they didn’t need an administrative record since it was all right there?), which of course puts getting the administrative record well AFTER the 218 vote, which keeps the Los Osos 45 in limbo until AFTER the 218 vote, which keeps all the residents of Los Osos under the gun (since judge LaBarbera chose not to rule on any due process issues at all or offer any protection to the citizens on any of those issues) until AFTER the 218 vote, not that the two issues are related in any way shape for form, or smack of illegal electioneering, AW GAWD, perish the thought, never crossed our minds, ever.

And so it was ordered done, all of which reminded me of several wonderful scenes in The Lion in Winter, wherein Henry II has promised his mistress Alais and her lands to his son Richard, to which Queen Eleanor notes, “He’ll keep the Vexin ‘till the moon goes blue from cold and as for Richard’s wedding day, we’ll see the second coming first; the needlework alone can last for years.”

Then later, when Henry is threatening to go to the Pope for a dispensation to dump Eleanor, she notes well: “I don’t have to stop you; I have only to delay you. Every enemy you have has friends in Rome. We’ll cost you time.”

Ah, yes. Blue moons, the Second Coming, and Time. The Tribune calls that a “win in court.” Bwa-hahahahah

Well, there were also some other interesting things I learned in Judge LaBarbera’s courtroom. One was that lawyers are free to file various motions and statements in writing to a judge that are full of false information and even screwed up facts and that’s o.k., which is interesting since rulings are often made on these filings and if they’re incorrect . . . Oh, well, doesn’t matter.

And this: LaBarbera stated, as fact and statute, that the Regional Water Quality BOARD is the ONLY entity who has any power to do anything, NOT their various CEO’s. Why is that interesting? Because on several occasions during the CDO hearings, the Board members themselves stated that THEY were helpless, that decisions to issue CAO’s or any other such thing was ENTIRELY up to the Staff. That they were the ones empowered to bring action, not them.

Talk about bait and switch. Just another clear indication of the old game of Ask Your Mother, as in, I’m not the decision maker, Ask Your Mother, Nuh-Huh, no, not me, Ask Your Father, thereby keeping the accountability ball moving so citizens seeking to safeguard their rights or due process are galloped around Robin Hood’s barn until their resources are exhausted running up and down deliberately falsified corridors. And all that’s o.k. with the judge as well.

Also, since I had signed on as an “interested party,” (as a test case for the rest of the community,) it was interesting to note, if I understood correctly, that the judge ruled that there was no such thing as “interested parties,” they had no standing, which means the rest of the community has no standing in this matter either. (Except, of course, they are all at the mercy of the RWQCB’s rulings, which can be changed at whim in the Alice in Wonderland Humpty-Dumpty fashion (see above, the old Ask Your Mother ploy.) So, even though a possible future case might have direct impact on all the “interested parties,” i.e. everyone in the PZ, only the single person with a CDO bringing the case will have to shoulder the entire burden alone, because only he/she will be allowed standing at this point.

And, finally, an issue that, so far as I could tell, was (again) left in the air: Resolution 83-13 cannot be challenged until some enforcement takes place. Define enforcement? The RWQCB apparently is now claiming that they’re not “enforcing” anything, that the CDO’s aren’t (heh-heh) really enforcement since, well, o.k. they’ve been issued, but they’re sorta, kinda not being implemented, well, o.k. the requirements put on those people who got a CDO aren’t really “enforcement,” they’re just uh, suggestions? Helpful hints? Sorta? And, o.k. their property may be encumbered, or maybe not since nobody’s clear just what the hell the CDO’s mean until the RWQCB makes up some meaning, and/or until either 2011 comes along or unless the 218 fails (not that we’re electioneering, no, no, ) and no, that Notice of Violation wasn’t a Notice of Violation even though it clearly said all over it NOTICE OF VIOLATION, it wasn’t, until we wish it to be then it will be considered as such, or something else happens THAT WE ALONE GET TO DECIDE CONSTITUTES “ENFORCEMENT,” so you can’t challenge us on anything since we are the Deciders about challenging anything we’ve written or created or asserted or claimed or anything, see?

And LaBarbera didn’t want to touch that one with a ten foot pole, even though it’s at the heart of due process. But then, this is a court of law and due process has no business showing up there!

All in all, a perfect example of “justice” in this county.

And finally, in the REEEELLY BWA-HAHAHAHAH department, The Tribune also notes a little noisy tet-a-tet in the courtroom after the case was finished between CSD Board member, Joe Sparks, and PZLDF spokesperson, Gail McPherson. Joe was loudly, and inappropriately (wrong time, wrong place, totally out of context, truly weird confrontation) pressing McPherson to right then and there officially come out in favor of a 218 vote, to which she tried to reply that PZLDF hasn’t taken an official position on the 218.

A hint to Mr. Sparks. Uh, Joe, when you’re in public, with a reporter standing near by (or was that the whole point?) you might try to remember that you’re not a plain ordinary citizen now but an elected official representing your community, so you might want to pull on your Big Boy Pants and behave accordingly. Sqawking like a fishwife while literally getting in someone’s face in a very inappropriate but public place isn’t really very professional behavior. (or, again, was your point to create a bit of loudly staged and witnessed theatre that was sure to make the news?)

Ah, well, I suppose it’s too much to ask that our elected officials behave like elected officials. After all, they do represent Los Osos, so what can one say? There’s clearly something in the water here that’s caused so many people to lose their marbles. Sigh.