Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Oooo, Nooo, Please, Plluuueeeze Dear Gott Im HImmel, Go Away Some More

Sandy Bank’s column in the February 24 Times added a deliciously new wrinkle to the pathetic Tiger Woods Story: The Tale of The Wronged Woman.

No, not Wood’s wife, but one of his, uh, girlfriends, Veronica Siwik-Daniels went before the cameras with her headline-hunting feminist attorney, Gloria Allred, at her side demanding, DEMANDING, that Woods owed Ms. Siwik-Daniels, above all women, an public apology.

Why, you ask? Well because “ . . . he led her on and broke her heart,” by texting her, “Baby, I’m not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I am not losing that,” and, as Allred noted, “A woman ought to be able to believe a man when he tells her that.”

In Victorian times an innocent young girl being courted by her swain might have presumed honorable intentions, constancy and true love, but not a former porn star having a sexual affair with a famous married man. Victorian sensibilities don’t mix well with 21st century cell phone sexting; the cognitive dissonance is simply too great. Get me my smelling salts, I feel the vapors coming on.

Well, I’m sure with this particular case, Ms. Allred will wave the words “palimony” around (Siwik-Daniels claimed she “stopped performing in porn movies because Woods ‘couldn’t stand seeing her with another man . . ‘” . . . so “She’s had no income for the past two years.”

In Victorian times, wealthy men understood that dalliances were expensive propositions and what was said about yachts applied also to their mistresses: If you have to ask how much they cost, you can’t afford one.


Headlines in this morning’s Tribune: “Lawmaker to [Anthem Blue Cross] insurer: ‘Have you no shame?” regarding their 39 percent price increases on their hapless “customers.”

A Congressperson actually wasted his breath asking that question?

The Problem:

Dueling Tribune headlines: “Generals wary of repealing ban on gays” and “Navy will soon let women serve on subs.”

The Problem Solved!

Only straight men and gay women will be allowed to serve in the military.

Issue closed. Next problem?


Ron said...

Wanna have some fun?

Read this in a Barry White voice:

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I am not losing that,”

I swear, if he doesn't play in The Masters because of this BS, he's going to owe ME an apology!

MEMO to Woody: I really, REEEEEEly don't care who, or even what you sleep with. I simply do not care. In fact, I'd prefer NOT knowing those details. But my annual Masters party is going to... well, it's not going to suck, because it's so much fun, but it's MUCH better when you're dropping in shots from off the green, after they hang on the lip of the cup for about 5 seconds, BEFORE they drop. Verrrry cool!

I have a question: Since touring athletes and touring rock stars are basically the exact same thing, can we now expect press conferences from rock stars when they cheat on their wives.

To use a somewhat dated analogy: Eddie Van Halen cheated on Valerie Bertonelli while he was on tour. Stop the friggin' presses!

Alon Perlman said...

Liphangers? I'll have to go back to the librairy for that one. It may even be in this stack, though;

There had to be two things present for the obligatory feeding Media Machine. A Unique, Honest Real Talent to get and hold the attention deficit trained audience for just a second. And then; a myth to sustain that interest.

Just follow the bouncing ball. Now, That there, is Talent. Sellable talent.

What is real? The actual scores and plays. Nothing you see through the square eye of the TV/Computerator is any more real than what you can see through the round portholes of the yellow submarine.
(Way I hear it they All are gonna to be painted up Yeller or Pasteeel or sumpthin. Pretty soon, All the You Ess Nayvey Summereenes will be Chock full to ther gills of theym arnimated sailor gals singinn theyer gay sea siren songs. I reckkin they’ll soon be a cormin to a port neer us. Corse, What’s real, all deepends on which side of the porthole you personally are standin or treadin water at if you get my drift, Har. [Got it? “Drift”]

So what is it really like behind the scenes? Before the network moguls and Media execs chime in. Accuracy is easy.
Clean livin? Now that requires preparation, hard work, and practice, practice, practice.

This is not over. The media machine has tasted ratings.
Not just “Humble Pie” on a single appearance on TV;
Can Tiger still be “Himself” With the additional Tabloid presence now ? what kind of face will the PUBLIC Tiger wear. What identity should HE assume. Should he pretend to be an “Entertainer” now? Who can HE mimic?
humility; hard to feign under the public eye.

And what future Mental Golf Trials are up? Has this mini-hiatus given some up and comer, some raw new talent a little competitive edge? Will the game of the returning champion sag if accorded a few defeats?
What triggers have been embedded from his humbling experience that will mess with the mental game?

Tiger chose to front squeaky clean, because for the most part that is who he WAS at one time. And (Excluding the glint in the Eye of the Tiger-Dog) he did not cunningly take on a persona. It was the Media Fans (Mostly outside golf), who needed someone who could-Walk on Water.
Hey;-It’s in the game!

Golf is a physical, mental game. In the words of the Tiger:
“There are only two opponents you need to face- and if you can conquer those two, everything else falls into place”

[see Ann's previous post on subject, and AGAIN-It’s not “Your Lover, and Your Wife”, or, take this shortcut,
and save a click for the environment.]

And so, it should end this way; Old school Golf-A man alone with a singular focus, doing battle against the green hazards.


When does Tiger get to sing his song?;
“I'm alright
Don't nobody worry 'bout me
You got to gimme a fight
Why don't you just let me be

Do what you like,
Doing it nat'rally
But if it's too easy
They're gonna disagree

It's your life
And isn't it a mystery
If it's nobody's business
It's everybody's game

Alon Perlman said...

these are for you;

Hole in one


BallDrop (1 minute in)