Tuesday, August 31, 2010

And We Think Arizona Has Illegal Immigration Problems?

The following was sent from a friend. Boy, things are scary all over!
The Manitoba Herald, as reported by Clive Runnels
August 1, 2010

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting
an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my
screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they
wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them
across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. "A lot
of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of
imported drinking water." "They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior- citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice-President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to
President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter,
Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on
postage stamps."

"The President is determined to reach out," he said.

The Herald will be interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary from
the dead in time for the concert!


franc4 said...

If this was really written by a genuine Canadian, it's interesting how he and real Canadians view their southern neighbors. Imagine how the rest of the world see us.

Anne R. Allen said...

Hilarious. This is an updated version of a joke circulated during the Bush administration, but it's got some great additions. Love bundling them into the Volvo station wagons!

Alon Perlman said...

4 F
What a strange comment to make about a humor piece written for Americans by, most likely, an American. Possibly a North Dakotan.

Especially as you, 4F, are an over-tightened right-turn wing-nut

An article specifically poking gentle fun at the sociopolitical cluster known as liberals, some of which have been reported to be found as a Native species in Canadia.
Liberalis Canadialis, Genus Liberalum North Amerikensis.
Heck, it could habbin written by Garrison Keilor’s back country cuzzin

Most of the residents of Canadia are well aware of the differences between their cultures and our cultures, and of the similarities.

Here are some internet Dollars, $$$$$$$$$$ a ten spot should get you started. Go buy a sense of humor
Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, laid a calloused hand on his faded Osh Kosh B’gosh Cover-alled knee and continued; Warsn’t as bad as the great Conservative exodus of winter 08. Just different. At least those earlier guys knew how to avoid a bear trap, Eh.

Back then, aboot January 08 I believe, we found one, a banker, by the looks of him, standin frozen in place in the south field. He was shivering and saying “The new President- He’s a Ni, a Ni….Ni.
Soon after we got this banker fellar into the barn, and warmed up with some hot cider, he was able to finish; “a Nincompoop, who does not understand supply side economics, and he’s also a Mo, a mo.. Muh. Moo…

Anne R. Do you know the real author? where to find the bush era original (how was it updated)
Manitoba Herald
January 11, 1877 - August 2, 1877
The Manitoba Herald was published daily from January 11, 1877 until August 2, 1877. Its intention was to defend the interests of Manitoba and to keep an eye on the behaviour of the province’s representatives.

Word verification; citic
as in; everyone's a little citic.

Mike said...

I must be slippin' eh... I actually agreed with Aloon...

Watershed Mark said...

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice-President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals.......


franc4 said...

Mr. Pearlman (?),
It seems your enlarged ego got in your eye and caused you to over look the first word of my comment.....IF.
Sorry, but I am well aware of the "article" being an adaptation and "update" (as Ms. Allen stated)of an old joke/story. (my Pastors wife is Canadian)I received it in an e-mail some time ago......and no matter how you try, you still don't make alot of sense with your "clever" use of "trailer trash talk" and innuendo......which reminds me of a joke Zorro, of another time and blog imparted when I used that word.(innuedo) He asked if that was an Italian suppository.....and probably that is what you are in need might relax you a little.

franc4 said...

Mike sez,
"I must be slippin' eh... I actually agreed with Aloon..."

You would....since you have never had an original thought of your own.....except maybe your passion for Julie.