Oh, Go Stand In The Corner, Megyn. Here's your Dunce Cap.

Calhoun's Cannons for Dec 13, 2012

Does Fox Noise's Megyn Kelly ever feel even a twinge of shame or embarrassment working for Fox Noise? Like, does she ever look in the mirror and say, "I'm smart, I'm talented, I'm a serious reporter, for God's sake!  What the hell am I doing working for this cockamamie outfit?"

Same thing for Chris Wallace, scion of a famous newsman.  Does he look in the mirror and cringe?

Or does their salary soothe the "Eeeuuuu" factor of working for a silly network like Fox, a network that's become the butt of comics and an endless supply of humor for Jon Stewart? A station that needs air-quotes around it's name, Fox "News."

I mean, it's bad enough that every year the ridiculous Bill O'Reilly trots out his fake "War on Christmas" campaign, a tinsel-bedecked masturbatory fantasy he uses to excite his clueless fans with false boogeyman fears that hoards of secular atheists are heading for their living rooms to take away their Christmas trees. But now, the usually hard-news Megyn Kelly has joined in the fray with her little faux "discussion" about a Slate opinion piece by Aisha Harris. 

Poor Ms. Harris, an African American, wrote a piece for Slate magazine that dared discuss her confusion as a child seeing black Santa Claus  decorations in her house, while all her (white) friends' homes had white Santa ornaments and decor, and, of course, the larger world outside the home had white Santas all over the place.

Naturally, a small black child would ask: Which is the "real" Santa.  Ms. Harris' wise father bridged the gap by saying that Santa could appear differently to different children.  Being a smart little girl, Ms. Harris didn't quite buy that argument.  The popular culture she lived in was overwhelmingly "white," so it would be logical that a very smart little black girl might wonder where in this world did she fit in?

And so her semi-humorous piece suggesting that since our country's racial demographic is changing, perhaps it was time to change some of it's iconic images and switch a white male Santa to some kind of neutral animal, like a penguin complete with red cap and sack of presents.  After all, our "Santa" is a totally made up image so we're free to change it's image any way we want. (St. Nick, the original "Santa" was Greek and looked nothing like our "Santa, " which was the creation of the brilliant 19th century cartoonist, Thomas Nash morphed with the work of a 1940s illustrator hired by Coca Cola for it's luscious, glowing, pink-cheeked, Coke-slurping iteration.)

So, naturally, Megyn and a "panel of Faux Noisers had a "discussion" about this made-up "controversy"  that mostly consisted of Kelly trying to goose herself up to outrage level for a little Christmas masturbatory huffing that sneered at the very real issue of a minority child's sense of place in a majority society.

Oh, and Megyn also declared that Jesus was a white man which caused any number of Biblical scholars to blow eggnog through their noses. And moved this Faux Noisiness off into SurrealLand.

But all was not lost.  Sane people watching this latest piece of idiocy from a "news" station were again confirmed that their use of air-quotes when saying Fox "news" was certainly correct.  And comics were beside themselves with glee for being handed their leads for their nightly shows.  And straight, serious newscasters, you know, the real kind, who were secretly envious at Kelly's huge salary, got a hefty dose of  schadenfreude watching her struggle with what she had to know was pandering nonsense required to goose the ratings and raise her show's visibility which would allow her to parlay those ratings into a better contract come renewal time.

Still, the question remained:  Does Megyn Kelly cringe when looking in the mirror?  Or does she secretly hope that the CEOs at other news organizations will realize that she's stuck right now as Roger Ailes' blond-bimbo-news-reader du jour and will soon come to rescue her by offering a real job as a real journalist on a real news show?

Now, that would be a great Christmas story.