Dress the Part

Calhoun’s Can(n)ons for January 29, 2001

The enlightenment came soon after I emerged, sputtering , from the icy waters off Coleman Beach: How easy it is for context to hobble reality.

A friend had arranged for us to meet Matt Hudgens, owner of Central Coast Standup Paddling, Friday morning for a free demonstration and to try out some paddle boards. What’s a paddle board, you ask? Well, if you’ve seen people skimming around upright while standing up on what looks like a surfboard, wielding a long paddle, and looking for all the world like a surfer-dude gondolier, they’re on paddle boards.

And I know what you’re thinking. Are you nuts? It’s January, it’s foggy and cold in Los Osos. The water’s freezing. You’ve never surfed a day in your life and at your age you’re gonna now go get on a paddleboard and doodlebug around Morro Bay?

Uh, well, yes.

Happily, that morning’s cold, foggy Los Osos microclimate didn’t carry over into Morro Bay and at Coleman Beach, that flat curve of soft sand and shallow bay located under the towering PG&E towers, the air was still, the water glass, the was sun shining and, mercifully, it was warm. Unfortunately, I was dressed in warm street wear for the fog and cold; rolled up Levis, long sleeved tee and a sweatshirt. And therein lies the tale.

After unloading the selection of boards we helped carry them down to the beach and get our instructions and pretty soon were kneeling on the boards and paddling around. Then, in my case at least, standing up with the wobbles and paddling around. Which is when I began to find out that success in my case would depend on a slightly flatter board and a whole lot of practice since staying upright depends on a constant series of micro-movements. Over-compensation for the slight wobbles will land you in the drink.

Which is where I went. Unable to move quickly enough to get my feet under me, I ended up submerged before I could clamber upright, dripping wet, sodden sweatshirt now hanging down like a dead weight.

Without thinking, I shoved the board to shore and plodded and sloshed out of the water because my brain had unthinkingly locked me into a (false) context: “You’re wearing street clothes,” my brain said, “ and you’ve fallen into water. This is not appropriate. People in street clothes aren’t supposed to fall into water and if they do, they need to immediately get out of the water and get into a change of dry clothes.”

Which is what I did, but without changing. Once standing on shore, I got out of the now very heavy wet sweatshirt, dried off my glasses, collected myself, then went back in with the board to try that again.

And here’s the odd epiphany: Had I been wearing shorts or a bathing suit, my brain would have automatically said: “Oops, we’re suddenly in the water in a bathing suit (correct context) so there’s no need to get out of the water, let’s just hop back on the board and try that again.”

Thus does the brain misinform and misrule us.

But, in this case, not for long. On my second(very soggy) try, I had begun to get the wobbly feel of the board and paddle, which is rather like standing on a balance ball while making unstabilizing paddling motions in the air. The trick, apparently, is to think as little as possible about what you’re doing and let the body respond to the movement. That, and practice, practice, practice. But I did manage to remain awkwardly upright for the rest of the session. (And, mirable dictu, not a sore muscle in sight the next morning.)

The night before, I had watched a DVD about this growing sport/pastime and, like all variants on any sport, the enthusiasts are pushing it to new levels. Folks are now not only surfing with the paddle board, but taking it down raging white-water river runs.

According to Matt, the surfing aspect apparently allows the rider to get up more speed allowing him/her to ride many more smaller waves (more actual wave riding in the same amount of time) or to catch and ride the bigger waves longer since the long paddle allows the rider to power along, keeping just ahead of the curl. Also, for older surfers who are now developing shoulder/arm problems, stand-up surfing allows them to get out to the waves without having to lie flat and paddle. And it’s easier to learn stand up surfing in the first place because it avoids the tricky paddle-out-flat, quickly-stand-up maneuver that challenges so many beginners. With a paddle board, you’re already up.

On the second Saturday of the month, from 9 -2 pm. (weather permitting) Matt is down with his boards at Coleman Beach offering free lessons and try-outs. Or, if you organize a bunch of your friends, you can make an appointment with him to meet him there for a free try out. So, give him a call at (805) 395-0410, or check out his website at http://www.centralcoastsup.com/ . His shop’s located at 257 Morro Bay Blvd, open Thurs – Sunday, so stop by and say Hi. He’s the nicest guy in the world and wonderfully enthusiastic about his sport.

And next time you’re standing around looking at the Bay and you see upright gondoliers tooling along and say to yourself, “Hmmm, that looks like fun, wonder if I could ever learn to do that,” the answer is, “Very likely.”

I mean, if I managed to eventually stay upright on the board, I’d say you’ve got just as good a chance to do the same. But unlike me, be sure to dress -- in context -- for the occasion.

Love the Photo of the Bear

The County’s Sewer “Project Update” glossy flyer is in the mail.  It’s really pretty.  Lots of big photos taking up lots of space. Lovely huge big map in the middle showing the planned wastewater trement plan. And, of course, a reminder of the Town Hall Meeting on Monday, November 29, at the Los Osos Middle School, doors open at 6, meeting starts at 7.

And  the “vague” on the funding for the undeveloped properties is wonderful. We’re told that the Board is working to resolve water and habitat issues and that the undeveloped properties have not been assessed, but nowhere can I find a clear discussion of what may happen if undeveloped property can never be developed, or what benefit homeowners are getting by paying for undeveloped properties and so forth.  I’m betting that discussion would have taken up too much room.  Might even have had to bump a photo of a bear or something.

But, on the 3^rd page, under the heading Water Conservation, we can get a head’s up.  Part of the rates and charges is based on water use.  If I understand correctly, the plan will average, say 3 winter month’s water use and that will be the basis of your flexible use charges (above the flat capital costs). (It’s presumed you’re not watering the lawn in winter so all water used in those three winter months is inside use which will need to pass through he sewer for processing, which will cost you)  What kind of further conservation plans will be in place remain to be developed.  But, starting now, I’d suggest all us Bearish folk start tracking our winter water bills for the next few years. Keep copies handy, since if you can show you’re consistently under the minimum being charged by the Rates & Charges ordinance, you may be able to get an adjustment.

And, according to the new Bay News, the CSD already has a WATER CZAR in place:  Justin Finch.  He’s our new Water Auditor and is now conducting water audits, starting with High End Users, i.e. folks who are running through water like it’s, well, water. He’s sent them letters offering an audit to see if he can offer ways they can cut down on their use (and thereby stop waste and save money).  Finch will be starting with the high-end users first, but if you think you could benefit from an audit, you can call the CSD at 528-9370.

But, first, I suggest a visit to the website at www.h2ouse.org to read all the obvious tips posted therein.  And once you’ve done all of them and think you may need more advice, give Justin a call.  The $30,000 cost of this service has been/ is being paid for by you in your increased water rates, so you might as well get some of that money back by seeing what Justin can help you with, water-wise.     

We’re all Los Osos, Now

Meanwhile, over at Slo Coast Journal ( www.slocoastjournal.com/ ) Jack McCurdy’s story notes that the Coastal Commission’s not-yet-released report on the DEIR of the proposed Morro Bay/ Cayucos sewer upgrade indicates the Commission’s sending it back for a re-do.  Apparently it doesn’t seriously consider alternative sites for the plant or consider water reuse.

That’s one of the odd, tragic things about this upgrade.  With water shortages predicted for all of California, why on earth would any town consider treating wastewater and then dumping it into the ocean?  Especially in a community that had to close wells due to groundwater contamination and that had to import state water?  Sure doing a complete toilet-to-tap remodel would cost gazillions and would likely displace 1/3 or more of Morro Bay residents due to cost, but, hey, We’re all Los Osos now.  I say turn the project over to MWH and stand back from the money train.

In an email that I received noting the Journal posting, the emailer commented on how all of the concerns the CC expressed in their report were the same concerns that citizens had consistently brought to the attention of the various City Councils over the years, only to be labeled as cranks and trouble makers and “ranters,” and etc.  Sound familiar?

Yep, we’re all Los Osos now.

Eeeeeuuuu, Ron, Eeeeeuuuu  

Talk about History of the World, Part I, there’s “Entirely Visible Floatables” over at Ron’s blog at www.sewerwatch.blogspot.com  Read it with a clothespin on your nose.

New Dog Park & Other Fun Things

Morro Bay’s new fenced, off-leash dog park, while not officially open (the grand opening will be later this spring) is open for business. Located in Del Mar Mark, on the west side of the park, it has two fenced areas (small and large dog areas.) and lots of nice grass and trees and benches. Finn loved it and went into his zoomy, zippy gallop mode. Luckily he didn’t open up the throttle fully since every time he does that he gets into trouble by slipping or running into things. Followed by expensive vet bills. But he had a swell time anyway.

Smoke ‘em If Ya Got ‘em, Part Duh.

The Tribune reports that the Morro Bay city council has drafted new rules for an ordinance to allow pot dispensaries. The ordinance will be through back in 60-90 days for a vote. The city council felt that having a pot dispensary, properly run, would serve the needs of the area’s sick people. Which is all very nice. And it’s likely some brave soul will step forward and another pot dispensary will be set up. But I fear for anyone who’ll be running the place. If Sheriff Hedges gets into trouble again and finds himself in the headlines, I’m betting he’ll target that dispensary, call in the feds and the poor schnook will be hauled into federal court. I don’t care what the DOJ says about not raiding pot dispesdaries in states and local marijuana laws in states where prescription MJ is legal. The feds don’t have to “raid” the place. The local sheriff can do that, then turn the evidence over to the feds who will have to start the federal wheels grinding, and once they start, they can’t stop. Especially if the local Sheriff insists. So another legal medical pot dispenser will be ground up, more tax dollars will be wasted.

I’d like to say that I hope the Morro Bay dispensary works out and that sanity prevails, but the record on sanity and marijuana use hasn’t been evident since the government and other special interests decided it was a useful political tool for demonization and vote getting and repression. Nope, no sanity in sight. Too bad marijuana’s “medical” effects don’t include helping people be less venal and stupid.

Can We PLUUUEEEEZE Get Some Elected Officials With Integrity?

Honest, is it too much to ask for? A little internal integrity? Like, say, Republican state Sentator from Bakersfield, Roy Ashburn, who regularly and consistently voted against all measures granting equal civil rights for gay people who was recently arrested for DUI after leaving a gay bar and who then “came out” and fessed up. Yep, he’s gay and has been in the closet voting for laws that harmed people exactly like him.

That’s what happens when you have no internal integrity. The rot spreads outward into the world and ends up harming people. And the voters are complicit in all this as well. As Ashburn noted, he voted for those un-civil laws because his constituents wanted gays to be discriminated against. And if he’d stood for office with integrity, as a gay man supporting civil rights for all citizens, he’d never have gotten elected. True, true, and another person who wasn’t gay and didn’t want civil rights for all citizens would have been elected, but Mr. Ashburn would at least have lived his life with integrity. Could have even run for office openly and raised civil rights issues and perhaps confronted challenged and educated many people in his district who don’t like equal rights for others.

Like pebbles in pools, people with integrity ripple outward in amazing ways. Imagine a whole state filled with them. Including voters. Now, there’s a thought.

Teacher! Teacher, I have a Question

Nick Wilson reports in the March 9 Tribune, that local business star, Paul Orfalea, founder of Kinko’s chain of office-service-copy stores, who “dontated $15 million I company stock to the business college, which was renamed the Orfalea College of Business in honor of his parents . . . was asked by [Cal Poly’s College of Business]Dean Dave Christy to teach an international business course in the fall in which 25 top-tier business students were chosen to participate and share in catered meals.” (Catered meals? Donated millions? Did they serve Harris beef at the lunches, hmmmm?)

Well, so far, so good. Universities often hire guest artists for guest-artist-in residence programs or other non-teacher expert and famous personages to teach classes. Usually, though, the classes are official and open to all students who qualify, not some quickie, off-the-books deal for hand-picked special students.

I say off the books, because apparently a lot of the other Professors had no knowledge of this special class and before long, the you-know-what hit the fan. Orfalea’s class was described as non-rigorous, there were no written exams or texts, students were supposed to read and discuss news articles and think critically about global issues and were encouraged to speak up in class.

“My course is rigorous in that students are required to speak up and participate,” said Orfalea, who was not paid to teach the Cal Poly class. “Most students can go through all four years of college without ever raising their hand to ask a question, he said.”

Which, if true, is sad enough. Four years of college without ever asking a question? Doesn’t speak well of the college OR the teachers, OR students, to my mind. But no matter, the Academic senate is investigating what happened and whether any violations of the formal curriculum procedures may have occurred . . .” reports the Trib. So, we will certainly hear more about this, maybe.

But what caught my eye about this dust up is this: Orfalea wasn’t paid for the class, but lecturer Jere Ramsey, “whose specialty is international business” “filed a grievance with the university last year to receive the amount she would have gotten had she taught Orfalea’s class. She received $5,000 in a settlement late last year.”

No, that’s not the fun part. Orfalea was “free,” Ramsey sued and got that money even though she didn’t teach anything, so money-wise, that’s a wash.

But here’s the fun part. “Mike Stebbins, a retired professor who had tenure at the university, also was paid for teaching the class, although he did not help Orfalea teach the course or show up for any of the sessions. [Business College Dean Dave] Christy, who did not recall how much Stebbins was paid, made the decision to pay the retired professor under the union’s contractual agreement with the university.”

A business college that pays TWO professors for NOT teaching ONE class, and a teacher’s union that contractually requires that teachers who do not teach classes still get paid for not teaching them anyway.

Where do I sign up?

Yup, It’s The Future

If you’ve been wondering how the recent Supreme Court ruling giving corporations unlimited “free speech” rights in elections will actually play out, take a gander at what the national Chamber of Commerce is up to. Money is now pouring into their organization, money that can effectively be “laundered,” money whose origins are easy to hide from the average citizen, buried under layers of fake grass-roots groups, thereby giving effective cover for the corporation making the donation. And the C of C’s lobbyists are hitting the congressional offices, again with their corporate backers effectively hidden. It’s starting to rain money, hidden money, corporate money.

And when it comes to money and deciding between what’s good for the donor or good for The American People, guess who’s going to win that fight? Yup, It’s the Future, and you, dear Citizen, aren’t in it. Except as a mark.