Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Aural Assault

Look!  Up in the sky!  It's a bird?  It's a plane?  No, it's SuperDooper KerFlooey Man!

It's Rococo Man! (If one is good, 79 are better!)  It's Kettle Drum Man! Bring on Hans Zimmer screaming , "Ach tung! You VILL listen to my music! MORE LOUDER!" until the audience is crouched under their seats, fingers in their ears.

It's Demolition Man!  See Superman fly through buildings! Again and again and again and again.  It's Building Crumble Man! See buildings crumble and fall!  Want to see that again?  You got it!  How's about buildings crumbling and falling and .  .. disintegrating!  Want more of that?  Sure, here 68 more!

It's Bring on the Earth Disintegrator Ray! No, bring on TWO Disentegrator Rays! More Rays! More Rays! Who's got the cow bell?

It's "Man of Steel," an interesting, often touching take on Kal-El's  origins, a sweet story of young Clark Kent's coming of age and his search for his place on earth that was mercilessly hijacked, not by Kent's nemesis, General Zod, but by Blockbuster Movie Makers who only know how to appeal to 14 year-old BoyFans who are addicted to obsessively repetitive masturbatory CGI effects and endless, ridiculous Ka-pow! fist-fights, MORE! MORE! Faster! Faster!

Until the audience is bludgeoned into exhaustion, whimpering at the screen, "I can't take any more of this," while Hans shreiks, "MORE LOUD! MORE LOUD, jah?"

For 2 1/2 hours.

Oh, the humanity!


Anonymous said...

I take it that Ann actually sat through the performance that she feels so qualified to critique?

Billy Dunne said...

When my son was a boy we used to live at the movies during summer vacation. Not a blockbuster went by where we weren't glued to our seats, popcorn and cokes in hand, waiting for the lights to dim. Now 27, it was a hoot when he called on Father's Day to tell me he was taking me to see "Man of Steel." No popcorn this time. And bottled water for the both of us. But 2 things became abundantly clear to me during this movie. First, as I periodically glanced over to my son, all 6 foot 4 inch frame of his folded awkwardly into his now too-small "stadium" seat, I realized the 12 year old is still very much alive in him. And secondly, I can no longer tolerate the ear-splitting, endless, almost painful (maybe dangerous?)cacophony of noise. God that movie was loud. Never-a-break, non-stop loud. Or maybe I've just used up all my "ear energy" on Stones Springsteen and Zeppelin concerts over the decades and I have none left in reserve. Either way, my wish for this movie would be more substance and less pizzazz. More like the "Dark Knight" series by Christopher Nolan, who also did "Man of Steel."

But my son's reaction reminds me my opinion really means nothing.

"INCREDIBLE" he beamed afterwards.

And he almost sounded 12 years old again.

Churadogs said...

Billy: Like I said, aimed at 14 year-olds, I guess, who are half deaf? I also think this generation of 14 year-olds are nurtured on a Rococo aesthetic so 195 face punches doesn't seem boringly excessive or visually exhaustive. The interesting thing about Rococo is there eventually does come "enough" as it degenerates into the grotesquely ridiculous. I suspect the story in Man of Steel at least was a saving grace. Take away that story and all you have is a sort of "Transformers" on steroids, all Legos run amok.