Calhoun’s Can(n)ons for July 30, 2010
O.K., America, are we done yet? Embarrassing. That’s what it’s getting to be – Embarrassing. Throwing our little tantrums right there in the middle of the world with all the neighbors watching. It’s alright. Mother Calhoun understands. We fell asleep at the wheel, fell in love with a false Wall Street siren song of trickle down wealth when what was really going on was a wholesale 20-year trickle up national asset-stripping and generalized looting. Some made out like bandits; the rest got the shaft. It was a repeat of an old familiar, boom and bust American tale.
Then there was Osama bin Laden. He understood how easy it would be to ju-jitsu America into destroying ourselves. 9/11 scared us silly and in that fearful state it was so easy to lose our bearings and get buffaloed and conned and demagogued into disastrous decisions. And then the whole house of cards crumbled. And our usual default, knee-jerk reaction showed up right on schedule: xenophobic, race-baiting idiocy fueled by self-serving politicians and special interests that benefit from divide and conquer.
In flush times, nobody complained about the illegal Mexican in the kitchen washing up the pots and pans. Or picking carrots. Or minding the baby. But come hard times, the Mexican in the kitchen serves as a useful political tool for pandering politicians. And so we see Arizona pilloried and praised for trying to solve a problem that nobody wanted to deal with, in part because it was thick-laden with an ugly subtext: How do you track down and get rid of illegal Mexicans without looking like you’re tracking down and getting rid of all Mexicans? That racial profiling subtext was simply too toxic to deal with in a sensible way.
Especially a racial subtext that had already been stirred up by the election of a black man, followed by the astro-turf, corporate-lobbyist-created “Tea Party,” with tea partiers showing up wearing guns and carrying posters of President Obama with a wooly Afro and a bone through his nose. Racist? Who, us?
And once again history repeated: a fearful, economically hammered populace out of which oozes the dark ugly stuff of our history. Aided and abetted by a corporate media that has utterly failed to understand even basic Journalism 101, bat-shit crazy right-wing punditry, and the changing demographics of this country. Notes Cesar Perales, president of LatinoJustice PRLDEF, “Large numbers of Latinos, particularly darker-skinned Latinos, [are] coming into the country . . . [And] having a black president makes it worse because that is evidence to [many] Americans that their world has changed.”
Toss in wholly owned corporate politicians who get political mileage from stirring that dark divide-and-conquer pool of racial fear with one hand while denying its existence with a straight face and you have the set-up for the latest drive-by shooting du jour: Conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart (already on record as wanting to destroy “liberals,” whatever that means), took comments made by Shirley Sherrod totally out of context, the bat-shit-crazy right wing ran with the fake narrative, the White House administration, apparently terrified of bat-shit-crazy Glen Beck, fired her without question, the mainstream media ran with that story until the truth finally came out but by then it was too late. Poor Shirley was already road-kill in an ugly, but historically familiar American narrative: In hard times, the dark, night spirit of the KKK rides free while we cower in fear and nightmare anger until our better natures wake up and we come out of our houses and into the light of day to send the uglier parts of our natures and history back into the darkness.
And ask ourselves and one another: Jeesh! What were we thinking?
And so the Question: Are we done yet, America? Do we understand that we’ve finally lost our marbles and have jumped the shark? Are we now ready to take a deep breath and get a grip and get down to work with clearer eyes? Good.
Meantime, this snippet from the L.A. Times: “The Republican National Committee has invited conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart to participate in a private GOP fundraiser in Beverly Hills with party Chairman Michael Steele next month.”
Ah, well. Lay down with dawgs, git up with fleas. The only question here is, Will this bunch once again end up in that weird S&M whip-kitty Hollywood night club stuffing hundred dollar bills into the dancers’ butt-thongs while swilling down champagne and then send the bill to the RNC? Oh, Mother Calhoun hopes so.
Showing posts with label Michael Steele. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michael Steele. Show all posts
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tick, Tick, Tick, Cont.
The BOS had a sewer project update yesterday. There were three due diligence issues the Board was concerned with: The Coastal use permit is pretty much done, the funding -- $80 mil at 3-4% interest loan from the USDA, SRF loan, etc. – was pending and while the prospect of litigation was low, the time frame for suing were rapidly closing so that prospect was diminished.
And there were two directions staff wanted a decision on: 1) advance $400,000 more county money to start double tracking various tasks so that bids could be taken quicker, thus taking advantage of a better bidding environment due to our poor economy or 2) consider due diligence done and jump in and use assessment money already in the bank to start double tracking various tasks so bids could be taken quicker & etc.
There was no news regarding the $80 mil USDA grant and no firm commitment on the SRF loan. Or the $16 million grant. The 80 mil is the last of the stimulus $ for now so staff said they should hear whether they got the loan in a few days to a week.
There is still the problem of securing the Prop. 218 vote from the property owners of undeveloped properties agreeing to assess themselves for their share of the sewer project – some $27 million worth that’s now missing from the over all project budget. And the rest of the owners in the PZ also have to vote on a Prop 218 vote of “rates and charges” for O&M and other various fees, (i.e. costs above and beyond the $25,000 they’ve already assessed themselves for.) including, should the vote of the undeveloped properties fail, all those additional costs in the form of even higher the rates and charges (which amounts would be “refunded” in lower rates, should those properties come on line somewhere down the line.)
The Prop 218 assessment for the vacant lot owners will be a straight assessment vote. The Prop 218 for rates and charges will be a “protest” vote, which is often easily won since many people don’t understand the paperwork and toss it in the wastebasket, hence the number of people who take the time to “protest” the vote is traditionally very low and so measures done this way usually zip through. Of course, this is Los Osos.
The sticking point on the 218 assessment’s “missing $27 mil is that if it fails, nobody seems to know what would happen. Would the whole project go kerflooey and the county walk away? Can they somehow go get the “extra” money with no way to secure it? If there’s never going to be enough water to allow build-out, or people believe there’s not going to be enough water, why would land-holders vote to “tax” themselves on a “worthless” piece of property? And if residents in the PZ, who have already been slammed with a huge sewer bill say No when asked to pick up a larger tab for those properties (an additional hit that many would see as patently unfair (another unintended consequence of the artificial PZ lines in a real world/basin), will they be held hostage by a stunning piece of blackmail: pay for it all – even though you get no direct benefit from paying for a system that was designed to accommodate full build out even though that may not happen -- or loose it all?
The County plans on having town-hall meetings before the vote, so maybe questions of that sort can be asked and answered.
There was some complaints during public comment about the escalation of costs in the numbers being bandied about. Listening to Will Clemmens our Dept of Public Works Financing Guy, stated that one of reasons remain very, very high is that the county is presenting the worst case scenario to both the Feds and the State Water Board – worst case being the actual, real-time, total out-of-pocket numbers, such as hook up costs, property repair costs, added charges and fees & etc, that are going to land on homeowners—is so the lending agencies can actually see what’s really facing this community – not some smiley-faced PR numbers designed to get votes or coerce community participation. Real numbers. And since the State Water Board recently changed the designation of this community into being officially “disadvandated” i.e. “poor,” those real numbers are critical for the lenders to realize exactly what’s going to happen here if we don’t get better terms and/or more grants.
So, financially, there’s several sets of numbers in play here. Real numbers that can result in more help from feds and state thereby resulting in better, smiley-faced PR numbers when the dust shakes out.
Mr. Clemmens also noted that people asking to dump the 4% USDA loans in favor of 0% SRF loans needed to understand that there isn’t enough money in the SRF loan program to cover the $80 mil needed – the SRF program would have to award a whole year’s budget just to Los Osos while letting the rest of the state go fish for years, and that’s not gonna happen.
Public Comment & Misc Stuff
Steve Paige asked an interesting question of County Council, quoting from the Engineer’s report that appeared with the 218 ballot, and asked if that report was considered a form of a contract. That is, if the ballot measure and engineers report said the vote would do and be A,B,C,D, and if, after the vote was secured, somebody came along and removed D, that is changed the substance of the ballot measure after the fact, was that legal? Astonishingly enough, County Council said, Yep, the courts held that apparently the engineer’s report that goes along with an assessment ballot has no more meaning than a glossy campaign brochure – filled with all kinds of stuff that can be changed, removed, added, whatever AFTER the voters have voted. (The issue in this case was the engineer’s report that included a statement that STEP would be given equal consideration all the way through the process, something that obviously didn’t happen as listed.) I found this piece of information amazing. Something everyone should think about when approaching any and all assessment ballots or proposition ballots & etc. Apparently, it’s all hokum and can be changed after the fact willy-nilly by The Powers That Be, thereby making a mockery of a “vote.” Pretty amazing.)
Mr. Owens of PERC noted that his company can offer design/build/finance and show up with firm project bids (no add ons and nice open-ended change orders) and noted that that’s what his company will be presenting to city City of Morro Bay/Cayucos for their sewer upgrade. The implication of which was; You guys shouldda opened up The Process and RFPs for true design/build so you’d end up with completed packages with solid price tags instead of whacking the project up into pieces and “arranging” the list of bidders allowed in the door. A suggestion that wasn’t gonna fly anywhere in that MWH-happy room.)
Other speakers reminded the Board that a gravity system may turn out to be an oxymoron – gravity systems take lots of water to work; the goal in Los Osos is to use LESS water, not more, hence gravity systems are the wrong type of system if your goal is to save water. That information also fell on deaf ears. Though there was mention of the need to move the water retrofit/conservation program up the to-do list, i.e. start that first before anything else since saltwater intrusion is the real danger here, not nitrates, and should have been THE priority.
At the end, Supervisor Gibson wanted to push forward to either move to accept due diligence and spend the assessment money to accelerate to-do work and/or advance the $400,000 to accelerate to-do work, but the rest of the Board was having none of it since USDA funding wasn’t secured and they weren’t about to spend more money on this project at this point. Plus, the Los Osos CSD’s bankruptcy issue was due to finish up in Sept, so they needed to wait to see how that shakes out before moving forward. Plus it was pointed out that this agenda item wasn’t an action item, so they instructed staff to allocate within their remaining budget to move onto accelerating some of their tasks and when they hear back on the funding, prepare a report and return to the Board and it’ll then decide what to do then.
At the end of public comment, a gentleman from The Association of Environmental Professionals stepped up to present the staff (Mark Hutchinson, John Waddell, et al) a 2010 ”Merit Award, Environmental Analysis Document,Los Osos Wastewater Project EIR” Many in the audience gasped, groaned, booed and stormed out in a huff. Apparently they were outraged that a document they found sorely lacking in context (and perhaps lacking in detail that resulted in a gazillion “comments” and further input of missing info, & etc.) would get an award for excellence. I suspect that perhaps they didn’t understand that awards for excellence don’t usually include context. For example, one could argue that the SS certainly would have deserved an “Award of Merit for Organizational Excellence” for their final solution plans. It was a well done plan. Of course, when you add in context, then, uh, not so much.
But it was quite a moment. I actually thought it was a Stephen Colbert “Colbert Report” straight-faced joke and after the spiel we’d all have a good laugh. But no, it was for real. And, in the overall context of the Hideous Sewer Wars, I had to admit it was a true Los Osos moment.
Another reason why I love this town.
Off The Topic
This from the L.A. Times yesterday: “The Republican National Committee has invited conservative blogger Andrew Briebart to participate in a private GOP fundraiser in Beverly Hills with party Chairman Michael Steele next month.”
Ah, lay down with dawgs, git up with fleas. And now the question: Will they all end up at that S&M Strip Club swilling champagne and tucking $100 dollar bills into the thongs of strippers, all on the RNC’s dime? Oh, I sure hope so.
And there were two directions staff wanted a decision on: 1) advance $400,000 more county money to start double tracking various tasks so that bids could be taken quicker, thus taking advantage of a better bidding environment due to our poor economy or 2) consider due diligence done and jump in and use assessment money already in the bank to start double tracking various tasks so bids could be taken quicker & etc.
There was no news regarding the $80 mil USDA grant and no firm commitment on the SRF loan. Or the $16 million grant. The 80 mil is the last of the stimulus $ for now so staff said they should hear whether they got the loan in a few days to a week.
There is still the problem of securing the Prop. 218 vote from the property owners of undeveloped properties agreeing to assess themselves for their share of the sewer project – some $27 million worth that’s now missing from the over all project budget. And the rest of the owners in the PZ also have to vote on a Prop 218 vote of “rates and charges” for O&M and other various fees, (i.e. costs above and beyond the $25,000 they’ve already assessed themselves for.) including, should the vote of the undeveloped properties fail, all those additional costs in the form of even higher the rates and charges (which amounts would be “refunded” in lower rates, should those properties come on line somewhere down the line.)
The Prop 218 assessment for the vacant lot owners will be a straight assessment vote. The Prop 218 for rates and charges will be a “protest” vote, which is often easily won since many people don’t understand the paperwork and toss it in the wastebasket, hence the number of people who take the time to “protest” the vote is traditionally very low and so measures done this way usually zip through. Of course, this is Los Osos.
The sticking point on the 218 assessment’s “missing $27 mil is that if it fails, nobody seems to know what would happen. Would the whole project go kerflooey and the county walk away? Can they somehow go get the “extra” money with no way to secure it? If there’s never going to be enough water to allow build-out, or people believe there’s not going to be enough water, why would land-holders vote to “tax” themselves on a “worthless” piece of property? And if residents in the PZ, who have already been slammed with a huge sewer bill say No when asked to pick up a larger tab for those properties (an additional hit that many would see as patently unfair (another unintended consequence of the artificial PZ lines in a real world/basin), will they be held hostage by a stunning piece of blackmail: pay for it all – even though you get no direct benefit from paying for a system that was designed to accommodate full build out even though that may not happen -- or loose it all?
The County plans on having town-hall meetings before the vote, so maybe questions of that sort can be asked and answered.
There was some complaints during public comment about the escalation of costs in the numbers being bandied about. Listening to Will Clemmens our Dept of Public Works Financing Guy, stated that one of reasons remain very, very high is that the county is presenting the worst case scenario to both the Feds and the State Water Board – worst case being the actual, real-time, total out-of-pocket numbers, such as hook up costs, property repair costs, added charges and fees & etc, that are going to land on homeowners—is so the lending agencies can actually see what’s really facing this community – not some smiley-faced PR numbers designed to get votes or coerce community participation. Real numbers. And since the State Water Board recently changed the designation of this community into being officially “disadvandated” i.e. “poor,” those real numbers are critical for the lenders to realize exactly what’s going to happen here if we don’t get better terms and/or more grants.
So, financially, there’s several sets of numbers in play here. Real numbers that can result in more help from feds and state thereby resulting in better, smiley-faced PR numbers when the dust shakes out.
Mr. Clemmens also noted that people asking to dump the 4% USDA loans in favor of 0% SRF loans needed to understand that there isn’t enough money in the SRF loan program to cover the $80 mil needed – the SRF program would have to award a whole year’s budget just to Los Osos while letting the rest of the state go fish for years, and that’s not gonna happen.
Public Comment & Misc Stuff
Steve Paige asked an interesting question of County Council, quoting from the Engineer’s report that appeared with the 218 ballot, and asked if that report was considered a form of a contract. That is, if the ballot measure and engineers report said the vote would do and be A,B,C,D, and if, after the vote was secured, somebody came along and removed D, that is changed the substance of the ballot measure after the fact, was that legal? Astonishingly enough, County Council said, Yep, the courts held that apparently the engineer’s report that goes along with an assessment ballot has no more meaning than a glossy campaign brochure – filled with all kinds of stuff that can be changed, removed, added, whatever AFTER the voters have voted. (The issue in this case was the engineer’s report that included a statement that STEP would be given equal consideration all the way through the process, something that obviously didn’t happen as listed.) I found this piece of information amazing. Something everyone should think about when approaching any and all assessment ballots or proposition ballots & etc. Apparently, it’s all hokum and can be changed after the fact willy-nilly by The Powers That Be, thereby making a mockery of a “vote.” Pretty amazing.)
Mr. Owens of PERC noted that his company can offer design/build/finance and show up with firm project bids (no add ons and nice open-ended change orders) and noted that that’s what his company will be presenting to city City of Morro Bay/Cayucos for their sewer upgrade. The implication of which was; You guys shouldda opened up The Process and RFPs for true design/build so you’d end up with completed packages with solid price tags instead of whacking the project up into pieces and “arranging” the list of bidders allowed in the door. A suggestion that wasn’t gonna fly anywhere in that MWH-happy room.)
Other speakers reminded the Board that a gravity system may turn out to be an oxymoron – gravity systems take lots of water to work; the goal in Los Osos is to use LESS water, not more, hence gravity systems are the wrong type of system if your goal is to save water. That information also fell on deaf ears. Though there was mention of the need to move the water retrofit/conservation program up the to-do list, i.e. start that first before anything else since saltwater intrusion is the real danger here, not nitrates, and should have been THE priority.
At the end, Supervisor Gibson wanted to push forward to either move to accept due diligence and spend the assessment money to accelerate to-do work and/or advance the $400,000 to accelerate to-do work, but the rest of the Board was having none of it since USDA funding wasn’t secured and they weren’t about to spend more money on this project at this point. Plus, the Los Osos CSD’s bankruptcy issue was due to finish up in Sept, so they needed to wait to see how that shakes out before moving forward. Plus it was pointed out that this agenda item wasn’t an action item, so they instructed staff to allocate within their remaining budget to move onto accelerating some of their tasks and when they hear back on the funding, prepare a report and return to the Board and it’ll then decide what to do then.
At the end of public comment, a gentleman from The Association of Environmental Professionals stepped up to present the staff (Mark Hutchinson, John Waddell, et al) a 2010 ”Merit Award, Environmental Analysis Document,Los Osos Wastewater Project EIR” Many in the audience gasped, groaned, booed and stormed out in a huff. Apparently they were outraged that a document they found sorely lacking in context (and perhaps lacking in detail that resulted in a gazillion “comments” and further input of missing info, & etc.) would get an award for excellence. I suspect that perhaps they didn’t understand that awards for excellence don’t usually include context. For example, one could argue that the SS certainly would have deserved an “Award of Merit for Organizational Excellence” for their final solution plans. It was a well done plan. Of course, when you add in context, then, uh, not so much.
But it was quite a moment. I actually thought it was a Stephen Colbert “Colbert Report” straight-faced joke and after the spiel we’d all have a good laugh. But no, it was for real. And, in the overall context of the Hideous Sewer Wars, I had to admit it was a true Los Osos moment.
Another reason why I love this town.
Off The Topic
This from the L.A. Times yesterday: “The Republican National Committee has invited conservative blogger Andrew Briebart to participate in a private GOP fundraiser in Beverly Hills with party Chairman Michael Steele next month.”
Ah, lay down with dawgs, git up with fleas. And now the question: Will they all end up at that S&M Strip Club swilling champagne and tucking $100 dollar bills into the thongs of strippers, all on the RNC’s dime? Oh, I sure hope so.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Not Only Am I An Important Personage, I'm Actually Here
First I got that swell little card from Republican Party top guy, Michael Steele, the one that looks like a credit card, like it’s something really important and special, something that I can whip out and flash all around at the checkout counter at Ralph’s to impress the hell out of people, but it isn’t, it’s pointless and made of paper? But it doesn’t matter that it’s cheap and stupid and useless and obviously sent to the wrong person, Michael thinks I’m somebody!
Now, the United States Department of Commerce thinks I might actually exist, but it isn’t too sure, so it sent me my Census form. They’d have to combine that simple form with a whole lot of other information they already have on file to find out a whole heck of a lot about me. I’m sure there’s more information encoded in my Ralph’s card than could ever winkled out of this simple form. But no matter. Once I mail that in and the Census Bureau tabulates it, then I actually exist.
I exist and thanks to Michael Steele, I’m an Important Personage. All this and heaven (and dogs), too. How lucky can one woman be?
Die! Die! Die!
I hate to admit it, but part of me wants this pathetic jerrymandered portmanteaux “health reform bill” to go down to defeat, one vote short. Then I’d like to see all the Democratic legislators who voted against it voted out of office. And all the Republican legislators who stonewalled and foot dragged and pouted and stamped their feet and lied and lied and lied about death panels and all the other phony crap to also get voted out of office.
Then I’d like to see the American people get totally priced out of the insurance market, and/or dropped by their insurers so they’d start dying like flies. Then I could write a column that said, “If you really want “reform” in health care, you’ll have to do more than whine about it and paint signs of Obama as a Nazi and go to a “tea party” and instead, actually vote for people who also want “reform” in healthcare, not these insurance company shills you keep putting into office.” But I know voters won’t connect the dots and any and all health insurance/health “reform” will disappear down the Harry & Louise Rabbit hole, thanks to the Supreme Court Ruling about corporate money and elections, and the whole country will get sicker and sicker and get fleeced of more and more money.
Then, the other part of me hopes that the bill will pass, and the voters, knowing that the job is only half done, come November will vote into office even more legislators who actually do want real “reform” and so have a sufficient number of legislators needed to get the job finished, including a Medicare For All buy-in program and truly serious health-outcome/best practices reform. But I know that won’t happen because Americans can’t connect dots, so it’s likely that even if this bill passes, come the next election, the voters will put into office enough people who will happily dismantle the bill and we’ll all end up back at square one – One Nation, A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of WellPoint, sick and fleeced and broke forever, Amen. And people will wander around for 20 more years whining and wringing their hands and complaining loudly about their health insurance company that’s raised their rates. . . again . . . boo-hoo. Or dropped them altogether. So they head for the nearest hospital to get “free” medical care and tell pollsters, “We don’t need health care reform. We have the best medical system in the whole world!”
Now, the United States Department of Commerce thinks I might actually exist, but it isn’t too sure, so it sent me my Census form. They’d have to combine that simple form with a whole lot of other information they already have on file to find out a whole heck of a lot about me. I’m sure there’s more information encoded in my Ralph’s card than could ever winkled out of this simple form. But no matter. Once I mail that in and the Census Bureau tabulates it, then I actually exist.
I exist and thanks to Michael Steele, I’m an Important Personage. All this and heaven (and dogs), too. How lucky can one woman be?
Die! Die! Die!
I hate to admit it, but part of me wants this pathetic jerrymandered portmanteaux “health reform bill” to go down to defeat, one vote short. Then I’d like to see all the Democratic legislators who voted against it voted out of office. And all the Republican legislators who stonewalled and foot dragged and pouted and stamped their feet and lied and lied and lied about death panels and all the other phony crap to also get voted out of office.
Then I’d like to see the American people get totally priced out of the insurance market, and/or dropped by their insurers so they’d start dying like flies. Then I could write a column that said, “If you really want “reform” in health care, you’ll have to do more than whine about it and paint signs of Obama as a Nazi and go to a “tea party” and instead, actually vote for people who also want “reform” in healthcare, not these insurance company shills you keep putting into office.” But I know voters won’t connect the dots and any and all health insurance/health “reform” will disappear down the Harry & Louise Rabbit hole, thanks to the Supreme Court Ruling about corporate money and elections, and the whole country will get sicker and sicker and get fleeced of more and more money.
Then, the other part of me hopes that the bill will pass, and the voters, knowing that the job is only half done, come November will vote into office even more legislators who actually do want real “reform” and so have a sufficient number of legislators needed to get the job finished, including a Medicare For All buy-in program and truly serious health-outcome/best practices reform. But I know that won’t happen because Americans can’t connect dots, so it’s likely that even if this bill passes, come the next election, the voters will put into office enough people who will happily dismantle the bill and we’ll all end up back at square one – One Nation, A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of WellPoint, sick and fleeced and broke forever, Amen. And people will wander around for 20 more years whining and wringing their hands and complaining loudly about their health insurance company that’s raised their rates. . . again . . . boo-hoo. Or dropped them altogether. So they head for the nearest hospital to get “free” medical care and tell pollsters, “We don’t need health care reform. We have the best medical system in the whole world!”
Monday, March 01, 2010
I Am Somebody, At Last!
Did you get yours yet? I did. Direct from Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee. A letter saying that House Speaker Nancy Peolosi and others are going to raise taxes, impose government rationed health care and weaken our national security. And the only thing that can stop that terrible fate is me and my 2010 Platinum Card. Oh, and sending money, of course. Lots of it.
But for sending my nice money, I get this really swell silver credit card sized, well, cardboard card. It has my name and some numbers on it embossed and raised up so at first you think it’s maybe an exclusive credit card or one of those affinity cards. Or can be used to buy a side order of fries at McDonalds or something. But no. It’s just a cardboard card. But, Michael Steele wants to know that I received my 2010 Platinum Card in excellent condition. And that I’m proud to accept this prestigious honor, and check a little box saying I’m sending $1,000 in order to stop Nancy Pelosi from killing my granny.
So, it’s pretty wonderful. Imagine. Me getting such an amazing honor. But there’s only one problem. I’ve spent about an hour reading all the paperwork that comes with my prestigious honor and STILL can’t find anywhere that says what it is I’m to do with the card. Put it in my wallet and carry it around for a while? I mean, what’s with that? And how would I share this amazing honor with people. Like, say, I’m at the checkout at Ralphs with some parsnips and a few cartons of yogurt and some little cans of dog food for The Lady Emma, who’s so old and goofy and toothless now I have to mush up her kibble and put some little mooshed up dog food for flavor on it or else she won’t eat it, and maybe I have a loaf of that really wonderful whole grain artisan bread (after all, I’m now somebody special and deserve some of that wonderful artisan bread to go with my bowl of soup), am I supposed to say to the checker, “Here’s my Ralph’s card, Oh, and wait, let me show you my 2010 Republican Party Platinum Card, too!”
I mean, what’s with that? Not exactly a conversation starter, now is it? Unless the checker has a Granny that needs killing. And right now my wallet’s full, but at least the cards I have in there actually do something, like I recently used my Kohl card to get a life-saving Shark Steam Mop and danged if that thing works so amazing the floor’s never been cleaner with less elbow grease. It’s a miracle, what with living in a House of Sand & Mud With A Bunch Of Dogs With Muddy Feet, I can tell you. And I recently checked out some books from my library with my library card.
But my new Platinum Card? It won’t work at the library. And I certainly don’t think it would work at Kohl’s, either. Well, no matter. Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee believes that I have an exemplary record of loyalty and patriotism, thereby proving that I’m the caliber of leader he needs to stop Nancy Pelosi from killing my Granny and turning America into a socialist state being run by a godless Muslim of African persuasion.
Still, with a matter of such important national interest, you’d think I could at least maybe get a side of fries with the darned thing. Not a large side, just a little side. O.K., and maybe a cuppa joe.
But for sending my nice money, I get this really swell silver credit card sized, well, cardboard card. It has my name and some numbers on it embossed and raised up so at first you think it’s maybe an exclusive credit card or one of those affinity cards. Or can be used to buy a side order of fries at McDonalds or something. But no. It’s just a cardboard card. But, Michael Steele wants to know that I received my 2010 Platinum Card in excellent condition. And that I’m proud to accept this prestigious honor, and check a little box saying I’m sending $1,000 in order to stop Nancy Pelosi from killing my granny.
So, it’s pretty wonderful. Imagine. Me getting such an amazing honor. But there’s only one problem. I’ve spent about an hour reading all the paperwork that comes with my prestigious honor and STILL can’t find anywhere that says what it is I’m to do with the card. Put it in my wallet and carry it around for a while? I mean, what’s with that? And how would I share this amazing honor with people. Like, say, I’m at the checkout at Ralphs with some parsnips and a few cartons of yogurt and some little cans of dog food for The Lady Emma, who’s so old and goofy and toothless now I have to mush up her kibble and put some little mooshed up dog food for flavor on it or else she won’t eat it, and maybe I have a loaf of that really wonderful whole grain artisan bread (after all, I’m now somebody special and deserve some of that wonderful artisan bread to go with my bowl of soup), am I supposed to say to the checker, “Here’s my Ralph’s card, Oh, and wait, let me show you my 2010 Republican Party Platinum Card, too!”
I mean, what’s with that? Not exactly a conversation starter, now is it? Unless the checker has a Granny that needs killing. And right now my wallet’s full, but at least the cards I have in there actually do something, like I recently used my Kohl card to get a life-saving Shark Steam Mop and danged if that thing works so amazing the floor’s never been cleaner with less elbow grease. It’s a miracle, what with living in a House of Sand & Mud With A Bunch Of Dogs With Muddy Feet, I can tell you. And I recently checked out some books from my library with my library card.
But my new Platinum Card? It won’t work at the library. And I certainly don’t think it would work at Kohl’s, either. Well, no matter. Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee believes that I have an exemplary record of loyalty and patriotism, thereby proving that I’m the caliber of leader he needs to stop Nancy Pelosi from killing my Granny and turning America into a socialist state being run by a godless Muslim of African persuasion.
Still, with a matter of such important national interest, you’d think I could at least maybe get a side of fries with the darned thing. Not a large side, just a little side. O.K., and maybe a cuppa joe.
Monday, October 12, 2009
At War Over A Peace Prize
Calhoun’s Can(n)ons for October 12, 09
I don’t understand all the furor over President Obama being awarded a Nobel Peace Prize. I think some of the confusion comes from the title of the award – Peace Prize. Maybe if they renamed it the “Nobel We Keep Hoping For Some Peace Prize,” people wouldn’t be so touchy.
But let’s face it, that award has always stirred people up. I mean, every year the Committee seems to award the Prize in Literature to some obscure writer named WhoThe Hell? that nobody’s ever heard of, so in the international literary salons eyes roll and peer down sniffing noses, sneers slide onto faces and sotto-voce mutters are heard – This is an outrage! Whoever heard of WhoTheHell?’s book? It sold 40 copies, 39 to his Mom, and he gets the Nobel, while my books are international best sellers and I get bupkis?
So, this year’s Outrage du jour is no different, except it does have a couple of extra wrinkles. First, of course, is our country’s poisonous political climate. Since Obama is a Democrat, the Republicans felt they had to knee-jerk damn with faint praise as Michael Steele, the Republican National Committee Chairman sniffed, “The real question Americans are asking is, ‘What has President Obama actually accomplished?’” Which is a hilarious question coming from somebody who would qualify as a Nobel WhoTheHell?? himself. Of course, so much of what’s left of the Republican party has gone so far to the right that they’re now stuck with the likes of Bill Kristol and Rush Limbaugh, that gang of Right Wing No-Nothings who were all cheering when the U.S. lost the bid for the Olympics, which means that Republican Conservatives now Hate America And Want The Terrorists To Win.
The second wrinkle is that Obama is Commander in Chief and is heading up a country still actively mired in two wars, so a “peace” prize carries its own curious cognitive dissonance. And, since he was only in office a very short time before he was nominated and selected, the prize seems to be an a priori award, which is like giving the prize in literature to an author for a work-in-progress: A sort of Nobel Prize for First Draft Literature.
True, the historical list of Nobel Peace Prize winners doesn’t include many people who actually secured some kind of “official peace,” i.e. single-handedly negotiated a treaty or cease fire that stopped a war. And despite the best efforts of many noble people over the years toiling in the vineyards of peace, their harvests have too often been fleeting and thin, even though they got the Prize for At Least Trying. Or they got the award because their efforts on other fronts were focused on creating system changes that could help avert future wars, such as Al Gore’s work on global warning, a climate disaster that, if not mediated, will indeed lead to resource wars on an unimaginable scale.
In Obama’s case, what I find so fascinating, is that the Committee seems to be acutely aware of the old saying, “appearance is reality.” Indeed, our modern viral communications often turns appearance into actual reality in a trice. The fake can travel the world five times over before the “real” puts its shoes on, and intentions actually can shape reality. And since the Nobel Prize is powerfully about perception – the award money’s nice, but there’s nothing like having that title before your name to open doors and so move your career and hence your work forward – then an award that’s a sort of Good Job So Far, may accomplish more than an after-the-fact, Thanks for Your Past Efforts, Too Bad They Didn’t Do Much award ever could.
I mean, rewarding good effort and intentions is often a great way to get MORE good efforts. And if we want to end up with a peaceful world, we’ll need more good efforts, more good intentions, more cooperative efforts, and more world-wide problem-solving that doesn’t involve bombing people. Then, when peaceful interaction becomes the norm and not the exception, selfish, greedy, unilateral, corporate plunderers and cowboy warmongers will be considered shockingly tres gauche outliers – easier targets for the world political salons’ eyeball rolling and down-the-nose sniffing.
I don’t understand all the furor over President Obama being awarded a Nobel Peace Prize. I think some of the confusion comes from the title of the award – Peace Prize. Maybe if they renamed it the “Nobel We Keep Hoping For Some Peace Prize,” people wouldn’t be so touchy.
But let’s face it, that award has always stirred people up. I mean, every year the Committee seems to award the Prize in Literature to some obscure writer named WhoThe Hell? that nobody’s ever heard of, so in the international literary salons eyes roll and peer down sniffing noses, sneers slide onto faces and sotto-voce mutters are heard – This is an outrage! Whoever heard of WhoTheHell?’s book? It sold 40 copies, 39 to his Mom, and he gets the Nobel, while my books are international best sellers and I get bupkis?
So, this year’s Outrage du jour is no different, except it does have a couple of extra wrinkles. First, of course, is our country’s poisonous political climate. Since Obama is a Democrat, the Republicans felt they had to knee-jerk damn with faint praise as Michael Steele, the Republican National Committee Chairman sniffed, “The real question Americans are asking is, ‘What has President Obama actually accomplished?’” Which is a hilarious question coming from somebody who would qualify as a Nobel WhoTheHell?? himself. Of course, so much of what’s left of the Republican party has gone so far to the right that they’re now stuck with the likes of Bill Kristol and Rush Limbaugh, that gang of Right Wing No-Nothings who were all cheering when the U.S. lost the bid for the Olympics, which means that Republican Conservatives now Hate America And Want The Terrorists To Win.
The second wrinkle is that Obama is Commander in Chief and is heading up a country still actively mired in two wars, so a “peace” prize carries its own curious cognitive dissonance. And, since he was only in office a very short time before he was nominated and selected, the prize seems to be an a priori award, which is like giving the prize in literature to an author for a work-in-progress: A sort of Nobel Prize for First Draft Literature.
True, the historical list of Nobel Peace Prize winners doesn’t include many people who actually secured some kind of “official peace,” i.e. single-handedly negotiated a treaty or cease fire that stopped a war. And despite the best efforts of many noble people over the years toiling in the vineyards of peace, their harvests have too often been fleeting and thin, even though they got the Prize for At Least Trying. Or they got the award because their efforts on other fronts were focused on creating system changes that could help avert future wars, such as Al Gore’s work on global warning, a climate disaster that, if not mediated, will indeed lead to resource wars on an unimaginable scale.
In Obama’s case, what I find so fascinating, is that the Committee seems to be acutely aware of the old saying, “appearance is reality.” Indeed, our modern viral communications often turns appearance into actual reality in a trice. The fake can travel the world five times over before the “real” puts its shoes on, and intentions actually can shape reality. And since the Nobel Prize is powerfully about perception – the award money’s nice, but there’s nothing like having that title before your name to open doors and so move your career and hence your work forward – then an award that’s a sort of Good Job So Far, may accomplish more than an after-the-fact, Thanks for Your Past Efforts, Too Bad They Didn’t Do Much award ever could.
I mean, rewarding good effort and intentions is often a great way to get MORE good efforts. And if we want to end up with a peaceful world, we’ll need more good efforts, more good intentions, more cooperative efforts, and more world-wide problem-solving that doesn’t involve bombing people. Then, when peaceful interaction becomes the norm and not the exception, selfish, greedy, unilateral, corporate plunderers and cowboy warmongers will be considered shockingly tres gauche outliers – easier targets for the world political salons’ eyeball rolling and down-the-nose sniffing.
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